A Third of Love
by Nigihayami Haruko
Summary: TomoeKenshinKaoru In every love triangle, there's always one angle left out. Tomoe is Kenshin's shadow throughout his life, see her perspective as they endure the pain of separation.
1. Nightmares and You

**Disclaimer: None of the characters of Rurouni Kenshin are mine, although the storyline as well as the words are mine. **

Nightmares and You

_'I'm sorry, he's gone.'_

_Gone?_

_The words reverberated through my mind, tossing and turning like the sea in troubled weather. _

_No, it can't be true. He's not gone, he's not gone. I just saw him then. He was smiling at me, laughing at a joke, as was I. Our joke. Our own private joke. no. No. NO._

"NO!" 

I woke up with a start. 

-I was just dreaming? 

-Did you...?

Wanting to reassure myself, my hand shot out next to my body, searching for the form that should have been lying somewhere in the midst of the darkness, where you should be.

Touching your sleeping body, I sighed in relief as sounds of your quiet breathing reached my ears.

Untangling myself from my tired muscles, I staggered into the washroom. It was only then, when I was faced with my reflection that I noticed my blood-shot, red-rimmed eyes. 

_'He's gone.'_

"No!" I whispered softly yet vehemently. "He's not. He's just..."

Shaking my head of my mobid thoughts, I bent down to splash some water on my face. 

Smiling at my slightly decent visage in the mirror, I reassured myself. 

"Get a hold of yourself Tomoe, at least you have him until tomorrow."

Giving myself a shake, I whispered to my image.

"Kenshin's not gone."

~~~~~~~~~~

"I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do, not when there's a war outside... we don't have sufficient supplies... he's gone."

The words held no more meaning as I crumpled onto the floor. My strength, sapped from my pain-filled body as each cry broke through me. Feelings held no more meaning as I tried to keep the agony at bay.

no. No. NO!

"No!"

My body jerked up as I attempted to still myself, my hear beating so quickly its thumping drowned out all other nocturnal sounds. 

Thump.

-I'm-

Thump.

-sorry-

Thump.

-He's-

Thump.

-Gone-

Turning to my left, my hand unconciously reached out for that gentle assurance. 

Groping in the darkness, and only meeting air, I curled into a ball as I recalled those haunting words. 

"... He's gone..."

Sobs wrecked through my body once more, this time, in reality, knowing that he was truly gone. No more warm glances, no more joy now that my last source of happiness is gone, no more chances to smile... I would have smiled for him, _only Kenshin_.

"GIVE HIM BACK TO ME!!!!"

  
  


  
  


AN: Alright, before you slaughter me for completely changing the storyline, **I have not.**This is just part of a trilogy, so please _please_ bear with me until the final chapter where all will be revealed. I originally wrote this for myself, penning my feelings on something that happened to me earlier, and I revised it to fit RK, although the inspiration came from reading Michiru Kashyuuno's 'Take a Bow'. 

As usual, please review!

~Haruko


	2. The One for You

**Disclaimer: None of the characters nor lyrics are mine, I'm just borrowing them for my sadistic pleasure, I promise I'll put it back when I'm done with it Mommy.**

  
  


  
  


  
  


AN: 

1) I'm not entirely sure when the first camera has been invented or whether Tomoe has a picture of Kenshin, but let's just do what all authors want their readers to do ok? Pretend.

2) If you've noticed, I've revised the format of this chapter. **Poke **told me that it was rather.. gimmicky, and I couldn't really stand the way it looked too, so I decided to change it. Looks better now eh?

  
  


The One for You

  
  


_I hold a picture in my hand_

  
  


Where are you now? I clutched the well-worn picture that has been caressed one too many times by a loving hand. 

  
  


Time and tide waits for no man.

  
  


Kissing the man in the photo lightly, I held the picture closer to my heart. I needed to remember.

  
  


_And though I understand_

  
  


Trudging through the throng of people, I was glad for the noise they made, the comfort they invariably gave.

  
  


I could hear the murmurs from all corners of the street. The man in the shop, complaining about the terrible service, the young woman tittering with her girlfriends about her kimono, a mother, reprimanding her mischievous toddler, you, chatting...

  
  


You?

  
  


Stopping in the middle of the busy walkway, I was grateful for the cover that I got from the masses of bodies. 

  
  


What were you doing here?

  
  


_I'm drifting into space_

  
  


Sneaking closer to you, yet afraid that you would notice me, I hid behind the crowd, like I always do nowadays. You used to call me striking; you used to say that I would stand out in a crowd, not like others who merely stand around, and that filled my heart with a type of warmth I was not used to. But now, I resented my looks for the unwanted attention it would grab.

  
  


I sighed.

  
  


_**'Tomoe? Doushitano? Daijoubu?'**_

  
  


Your voice broke out from the depths of my mind, as I fondly recall the sweet way you would worry about me even if it were needless.

  
  


'Daijoubu.' I softly answered to the voice that now belonged to the past and should have been buried long ago, just like you and I. But…

  
  


What were you doing here?

  
  


_I guess I should have known, but trust had blinded me_

  
  


Shock turned me into stone as I gazed at your hand. The hand that used to hold mine as gently, as warmly, as firmly, was now holding another's just as gently, warmly and firmly as mine. 

  
  


Everything blurred as I blinked my eyes rapidly hoping to clear my vision. 

  
  


Who was she? Who was the she who had learnt the warmth of your touch, the gentleness of your nature, and the strength of your soul?

  
  


My musings were broken when the two of you stepped into the jewelry store, she tugging at you, and you smiling fondly at her antics. 

  
  


My heart clenched at the sight of you and her. What a perfect couple. So much like... us.

  
  


Entering the store, I took off my shades and went over to the display that she was cooing over - couple's matching rings. Wedding rings.

  
  


_I'm not the one for you_

  
  


_**"What can I get for you, on your birthday?"**_

  
  


_**You gazed into my eyes, your fringe blocking my vision of returning that gaze. Shifting yourself slightly to get comfortable, you rested your head atop my lap as though it was the most natural thing to do. **_

  
  


_**Surprised that you would even remember the day, I gaped at you for a second.**_

  
  


_**"My... birthday?"**_

  
  


_**You never bought me anything before. Why now?**_

  
  


_**Smiling guilessly at me, you replied while tweaking my nose mockingly.**_

  
  


_**"I want it to be special."**_

  
  


_**Blushing at your attentive ministrations, I paused for a moment, thinking. What should I get? What *do* I want?**_

  
  


_**"I want... a ring. Yes. A ring."**_

  
  


_I'm not the one for you_

  
  


I looked at the picture perfect couple in front of me picking their symbol of their relationship, a vow of sorts that they were willing to make to each other. Then, I looked down at the little sapphire embedded in the golden band that I got as my birthday present - _a witness to faded love_. 

  
  


_You are the one for me_

  
  


You could only see her, even when I was standing right next to her, crying out for your attention. 

  
  


Smiling softly, yet painfully to myself, I turned away, ignoring your sweet voice in my head. 

  
  


I will not take your happiness away, not anymore. 

  
  


Ahh… maybe it is time to forget.

  
  


  
  


  
  


AN: Don't kill me! –Raises hands in protest- the final chapter [i.e. the next chapter] would explain everything. Everything. I was wrong when I said that I didn't change the storyline, I actually will… wait, I already did. –sheepish grin- What's going to happen is that although I know that Tomoe was supposed to be with Akira after her death, I decide to let her hang around Earth for a liiittle while longer. And since that is the basis of my story, you, the reader, is going to have to accept that sad but true fact. –nods head sagely- 

  
  


The song is 'The one for you' by Saybia.

  
  


As per normal, all reviews and suggestions are greatly appreciated! Onegaishimasu!

  
  


Your unworthy author,

  
  


~Haruko

  
  


Ceegee: Please hang around to see what's going to happen next, the explanation is up after this!

  
  


Shaolin and Amakakeru: What a long name! Thanks for the review, yes I will continue, stay around for the grande finale!

  
  


Caelestis Dulcis: What a cool name! Sounds… Latin, am I right? What does it mean? Anyway, thanks for the looong review, I loved reading it! Is this length long enough for you? Don't fear, the next chapter should be longer. It's not that I want to purposely keep the chapter short; it's just that I can't lengthen the story without sounding whiny and angst-y, which I'm trying to minimize. Thank you for the compliments on my usage of the language, I'll let my English teachers know! ^_^

  
  


Wistful-eyes: Man, no writing of mine has ever been graced by your extraordinary presence! It's an honor! I'm also glad that someone finally appreciates the amount of effort I put into the summary! Every time I write a new story, the summary is what puts me in a knot all the time, thank you for acknowledging that aspect of my hard work!

  
  



	3. When Day turns into Night

**Disclaimer: You see, Rurouni Kenshin _was_ mine, but I promised Watsuki-sama that I'd give it to him for his birthday, aren't I just sweet? However, the lyrics do not belong to me! **

When Day turns into Night

  
  


It's been years. 

  
  


Years since I've last seen you. My life has changed so much since then, I'd almost forgotten that you used to be such an integral part of my life.

  
  


But as I sit here, at the porch, fingering my sakabatou, my silent vow of love for you, and staring out into the crimson sunset, I can't help but think of you. 

  
  


_Nobody's there when you get home_

  
  


Life was so difficult after you left, it was like time stopped making sense. The world outside was passing in a blink of an eye, but I was hardly moving a step forward. 

  
  


Pausing in my thoughts, I glanced to my right, as though rows and rows of vegetation would greet me, like they did in our house. 

  
  


Nothing, only a wide expanse of loneliness before me. 

  
  


I never shook that habit musing at the sunset. It was our habit and I would not shake it for the world. But now, without you here, it was just a ritual with no meaning.

  
  


It reeks like dust in my mouth.

  
  


_You sit there waiting for my call_

  
  


Nobody understands my adoration for cooking. To them, it's a demeaning job for the former hero of Japan, it strips me of my dignity and pride, and more than anything else, it was assumed to be my excuse off eating Kaoru's cooking. But to me, it's an action borne from love. It's something that more than takes my mind off the memories, off the blood... something that you offered to me. In every onigiri, every bowl of miso, there's a piece of your heart and your love. And so, as I do the same for my patchwork family, I cloud out the tfact that the knife is not held by you, the vegetables are not cooked by you and that the kitchen does not smell of white plums.

  
  


_I hate the fact that you're not here_

  
  


I sighed into the sunset that bled hues of red across the sky as my thoughts led me to that day once more. 

  
  


_"I'm sorry..."_

  
  


How I loathed those words. Those simple words that took you away.

  
  


_And I know I leave you on your own_

  
  


Pulling the sakabatou from its original place at my waist, I placed it in front of me, the hilt lying on my shoulder.

  
  


I am not equipped for loneliness.

  
  


It feels strange, but it's true. I've spent many years by myself, finding my path and learning to walk it. Yet, the happiest times I've ever seen, were the ones where I was not alone, where silence was borne out of choice and not circumstance and where I can lay the world at the doorstep and fall into your embrace.

  
  


_And I need you to be strong_

  
  


I remembered those nights, filled with nightmares. We would cling onto each other, you drawing from my strength as much as I, from you. Then, we believed in the lie of eternity, trusting in our emotions to buoy us through the tough times. 

  
  


Truth slapped me that fateful night. She slapped me like the cur that she was. 

  
  


  
  


_What I feel you feel inside_

  
  


Footsteps padded behind me, silently crying for my attention but I refused to acknowledge it. The company that was offered was rejected. I didn't need another person to intrude upon my moment with you. 

  
  


Noting the refusal to leave my self-imposed solitude, the intruder left, disappointed. 

'Gomen, Kaoru.'

  
  


I did not want to lie anymore.

  
  


Love does not meet a person twice. At least not a person like me.

  
  


_But now I'm counting down the days till I get there_

  
  


Fury and exasperation at my situation rose like bile through my body as my hand reached for the hilt, slamming the sakabatou none too gently on the porch. Splinters flew everywhere as the tremors throughout the wooden house caused it to shake slightly. 

  
  


At least I'm not the only thing breaking here.

  
  


Footsteps thumped through the house as a figure appeared at the doorway. Disheveled and unkempt, the person peered unsure at me.

  
  


"I'm sorry, Kaoru." I apologised as sincerely as I could muster myself to, not without wincing at those words that I detested. "I'll fix it."

  
  


"No you're not." The blunt words shattered my facade in one swipe.

  
  


"Yes, you're right." I sighed, resigned.

  
  


No point lying anymore.

  
  


I waited for an outburst, a bokken to my head, sharp words that didn't hold much anger.... But nothing happened.

  
  


"I know I'm here to replace her. And I know, I'm not good enough." was all she said when turned, walking back into the dojo.

  
  


_When the day turns into night_

  
  


The sun set in the horizon, it's final rays leaving the earth as darkness enveloped the land.

  
  


The days, I give to the woman I chose to live the rest of my lonely life with, burdening her with the shadow of another woman who would forever darken the already murky relationship.

  
  


And the nights? They belong to the woman I gave my heart to. 

  
  


_I hate to say goodbye it gets harder every time_

  
  


She'd left me once, now she's leaving me again.

  
  


Pulling out a ring from my pocket, I gazed solemnly at the sapphire embedded in the gold band. 

  
  


Our witness to faded love.

  
  


"I love you." I whispered softly to it, afraid that the wind would steal my words away.

  
  


_It gets harder every time_

  
  


"I'm sorry..." The words returned in full force. The magnitude of them still weighs as heavily upon me as when I first encountered them. "Tomoe."

  
  


_When the day turns into night_

  
  


  
  


AN: Still confused? Want to scold this unworthy author for her inaccurate portrayal? Go ahead! Press the button!

Before I forget, the lyrics belong to Busted, the wonderful band who sang the song!

Just some stuff to clear the air if you don't understand:

Yes, Tomoe's dead, the first two chapters where when she's in limbo. Think: Sixth Sense where the dead don't _really_ know that they're dead. Hell, she's just as confused as _you_ are. Heh

This originally was something I wrote in my online journal during a tough period in my life. The nightmare scene in the first chapter is written based on true experience, and the thoughts and emotions of the two subsequent chapters are feelings that I've had encounters with over this past year.

To my Darling Reviewers:

**Cealestis Dulcis: **Wow. Do you learn Latin? Teach me!! Hope this chapter is what you expected, if you, give me a knock and I'll rearrange it! Of course I'll keep reviewing your fic! I love that thing! Man, now **I'm **waiting for your fic!

**MissBehavin: **Heh.. lifeless! Lifeless! Yeah, I can't get over that. I hope that this chapter does not lose out to the previous two. I may prefer Kaoru, since my character is closer to her than to Tomoe, but Tomoe should be given some due recognition too since she made such an impact on our favourite Rurouni!

**Wistful eyes:** Thanks for the compliments!! Argh!! So exciting -Haruko runs around and finally smacks into the wall, thus fainting- heh I'll convey your compliments to my grammar teacher, I think I was the hardest student she ever had to teach! Kenshin and a psychic? That'll be something interesting. But love never dies ne? -winks-

**akito:** As much as this may sound strange, thanks for your compliment. You're referring to **dementedchris**'s fic, right? Well, he's one of my favourite authors of all time, Rurouni Kenshin Fanfics are never complete without him. And now that you've mentioned, yeah, it may seem like his style. I've actually read that particular fic a loong time ago, and maybe on some unconcious level, I've picked up his style as well. However, I did not mean to 'rip off' his plot, like I mentioned earlier, this is actually a reflection of my own experience, so plot-wise, it's all mine. 

**Poke: **-ouch- [alright, alright, that's lame] 

I do apologise about the ~_~ thing. It's actually suppose to be the lyrics. They're supposed to be italicised. However, something went wrong with my OpenOffice 1.0.1 and it didn't come out right. I didn't want to leave it unitalicised because those words did not belong to me, it's not nice to 'rip off' other people, **akito** already admonished me for that!

The other italicised/bold parts are actually situations in the past, hence I didn't wish for the readers to get confused when what's going on. Gomen for giving the impression that you guys are stupid. Atashi wa baka.

Alright! Please Review!

~Haruko


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